Five reasons to go to the Kalk Bay Theatre
Jayne and I went to the theatre the other day. For the young among you, theatre is like YouTube but with curtains, an interval and winegums. And no buffering.
The Kalk Bay Theatre is one of those endearing performance spaces that restore my faith in live theatre. No-one is out to make a quick buck, there is no hint of a reality TV show audition, just a sense that you’re all there for the same thing. And that thing is a great evening out.
Here are five reasons you should go there:
- The setting: To say the Kalk Bay Theatre is intimate is like saying Bob Dylan had a way with words. It’s true enough, but it doesn’t begin to cover it. About 80 comfortable chairs surround the stage on three sides, meaning that even if it is sold out you’re never more than a couple of metres away from the performers’ lap.
- The drill: You arrive, get greeted and then you drop a name tag on your seat to reserve it before heading upstairs for dinner. The place is wonderfully renovated, the staff are friendly and efficient without being officious, and the “sit down, order, eat, watch the show, come back and have coffee” routine means you don’t have to think too much – everything unfolds around you.
- The show: We were lucky enough to see Gaetan Schmid in Rumpsteak – a show that has done well in Grahamstown for the last two years but I hadn’t yet seen. Gaetan is a great performer with an extraordinary sense of physicality and timing, and the show is thoroughly entertaining and endearing. The run has been extended to 24 October, so go and see it if you can. Don’t be put off by the fact that it’s all in French – it matters little if you don’t speak a word of it, as I don’t.
- The aftermath: The one thing that can turn me off a venue faster than you can say Cheesecurls is when they begin packing up around you. As you linger over a bottle of wine, getting lost in good conversation, some minimum wage dolts (as we now call students) decide it’s knocking off time so they can get home to their Playstation and online porn, and begin stacking the chairs on top of the empty tables around you. then they mop the floors and stare sulkily at you until you do the universal “bring me the bill” wiggle with your fingers in the air, at which point it’s tip time and smiles all round. None of that at the Kalk Bay Theatre. They may have wanted us to go (we were the last people there), but there was no hint of that, no sense of being rushed out the door. Props.
- The fuzzy feelings: There is nothing like sitting in a darkened theatre watching a talented someone pour their heart and soul into a performance just for you. Nothing. No TV show, online video clip, pirated movie or anything you can cram onto your iPod. And by investing in it you get a warm feeling in your gut that you’re helping some talented person follow their passion and make our lives richer.
OK, it’s not a cheap night out. For two of us the bill came to R800, including the theatre tickets, starters and a fair number of drinks. Not a ripoff, by any means, but it’s not something you’re going to do more than once every couple of months. If I were them – which, I must point out, I’m not – I would worry less about providing fancy, complicated food and do good home cooking-style food that means a cheaper night out without messing up the profit margins.
So off you go, then.
