Jesse Duarte Slams Swine Flu
Johannesburg — ANC Spokesperson Jesse Duarte has spoken out against the swine flu virus, saying that it is yet more evidence of a media conspiracy against President-elect Jacob Zuma.
“Why should we all be getting so worked up about a virus that is making pigs ill? It’s all been exaggerated by the media who would like us to believe that it is spreading from pigs to humans,” Duarte fumed at a junior journalist who had stumbled across her in the ladies’ room at the Union Buildings. “By focusing on this alleged “outbreak”, they are attempting to fill their pages with nonsense, leaving no room for coverage of our President’s inauguration,” she continued.
Conducting their interview in front of the recently shined mirrors, Duarte confirmed to the journalist that she would be taking “whatever steps are necessary” to ensure that the media focus their energies on the inauguration instead of, what she called, the “alleged pandemic”.
Steps being debated by the NEC include declaring the virus a hoax; getting the health minister to recommend fruit juice as a cure; and inviting former President Thabo Mbeki to head up a special medical commission that will investigate, and then declare non-existent, the link between the virus and people dying from it.
“Our struggle is being undermined by counter-revolutionaries in the media who just want to peddle misinformation and sell newspapers,” she said, citing radio and television stations as being the worst culprits, but failing to explain why they would want to sell newspapers.
As she stormed out the ladies’ room Duarte had time for one more comment at the now-scrubbed journalist: “We’re not taking this lying down,” she intoned. “ANC President Jacob Zuma is about to become everyone’s President and nothing can stop him. Not even sick pigs.”
